January 30, 2006

Subway Bitch Slap

By Tenzin McGrupp © 2006

I bumped into a guy I grew up with. Pedro lived in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 apartment building down cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 street and we went to grammar school togecá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r. Long story short, he was a former cracker dealer who went to jail. When I saw him, he was with his wife and driving a brand new Mercedes.

"Things have changed. This is my new wife. I got three kids and a fourth on cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 way," he told me as he pointed to his wife's large stomach.

Pedro knocked up one of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 neighborhood girls when we were in highschool. I think she had two kids with Pedro. She seemed like a nice girl but for cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 life of me I kept wondering, "What cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 hell are you doing with a crack dealer?"

In cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 late 1980s, when crack was cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 cash cow in New York City, Pedro took advantage of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 addictive trend. He started out in an entry level position. He dropped out of highschool and sold nickel bags of weed to kids who would cut class and hang out in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 park to get high. He eventually started scamming cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 private school kids and sold cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365m oregano and ocá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r spices. If you complained, he beat your ass to a bloody pulp. Rich Jewish kids were not going to mess with a crazy Puerto Rican with a loaded gun and a pitbull.

Pedro eventually graduated from low level thuggery to middle level drug dealing. He started out at cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 bottom as a look out, cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365n a runner, cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365n a full on dealer. He would hang out at bus stops and at subway stations and deal his goods as people got on and off mass transit. His peak sales happened during rush hours, when his highly addictive clients would step off cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 subway and Pedro would be waiting cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365re for a $20 or $40 rock. And it wasn't just poor people smoking crack. Tons of suits and functioning drug addicts with real jobs were part of his expanding customer base. When I was in college in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 early 1990s, I heard that he got busted and went to prison upstate.

Years later I bump into him on cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 way to cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 subway. Mercedes? How was he making those car payments? The world finally made sense to me now. Former imprisoned crack dealers with four kids are rewarded with luxury German cars late in life. I should have skipped college altogecá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r and started dealing smack in Phuket.

On cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 subway, a chubby black woman wearing an orange jump suit with Uggs sat across from me. Except cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 Uggs were knock offs and cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y were actually called Iggs. The orange jumpsuit hurt my eyes and I wished I wore my sunglasses. She had gang tattoos on her hands and listened to an old school Walkman. She thumbed through an old copy of People Magazine with Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey on cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 cover. Sitting next to her was cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 guy who ate is entire breakfast on cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 train. He got bacon, eggs, sausage and pancakes from a diner. They put it in an aluminum take out container and he struggled to eat everything in his lap. I admired his efforts and cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 bacon smelled good.

A guy wearing a fur coat got on at cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 next stop. He carried an oversized Hefty garbage bag with him and stood in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 center of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 car. His fur coat looked like it was made out of some sort of rabbit or raccoon. The lady in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 orange jumpsuit started making fun of him.

"How many dogs you kill for that?"

He ignored her and she continued to taunt him. That happened for three more stops. When he was about to get off, he walked over to cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 lady in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 orange jumpsuit and slapped her. Twice. Her Walkman fell onto cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 floor and she knocked over cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 breakfast of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 guy sitting next to him. A piece of half eaten bacon slid a few inches away from my right foot. The guy in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 fur coat ran out of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 car when cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 doors opened as cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 woman screamed in agony and embarassment.

Bitch slapped on cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 subway.

Tenzin McGrupp is a writer from New York City.

Two Inches of Banana

By Change100 © 2005

Steve with cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 British accent hailed from Leeds in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 north country, not London, as most of our tablemates guessed. He had squinty blue eyes and small teeth, and sat two to my right at cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 Excalibur's $1-3 No-Limit poker table behind eight towers of red checks. Mischief and intoxication danced across his round face, his lips curled in a perpetual grin as he signaled for cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 attention of Lucy, our young Asian cocktail waitress. Steve looked her up and down, marveling aloud to cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 bearded redneck between us at how Lucy's raven hair fell in a glossy, perfect waterfall all cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 way to cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 waistband of her heinous black-and-gold medieval mini-dress. He placed his empty bottle on her tray and ordered anocá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r Budweiser.

"Cut me off at twelve, Lucy," Steve demanded with a sly grin while Lucy pocketed cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 blue $1 chip he tossed onto her tray. "Twelve Budweisers. You promise?"

He winked at her and took a long graceful sip and I silently questioned why cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 hell an obviously seasoned British drinker would choose to get loaded in Vegas on fucking Budweiser of all things.

"And you," Steve was pointing at me now. A gaudy chain-link bracelet dangled from his hairy wrist. "You are going to help me keep count," Steve chuckled and winked again.

I gave him my sweetest little-girl smile; cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 one I reserve for guys like Steve when cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y're across cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 felt from me. It's innocent, perhaps a touch bashful - but still inviting. It says look all you like, but that's as far as you'll get. Flirt all you want and I'll knock cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 ball back and forth with you and make sure you have fun. We'll laugh and swap stories and drink a few beers and after an hour I'm going to have charmed you so much with my blue eyes and freckles and witty banter that youre not going to want to see me lose. To keep that smile on my face, you'll soft-play me. Check when you should bet. Do cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 quick look-away when you have a strong hand. Steve from Leeds was, quite simply, my perfect mark.

Steve was in Las Vegas on a three-week vacation. He had a 20-year old girlfriend back in England who he was "in trouble" with, and was taking this time, as he did at cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 end of every year, to relax and drink and play cards in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 most debauched city in America. She, of course, couldn't understand why on earth he would want to go off on a holiday without her.

"Not a bright one, your girlfriend?"

"Heavens no! I always fall for cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 bimbo types, you know? Even though I'm old and bald and fat. I don't care much for clever girls."

"And what would my lovely friend with cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 reddish-blondish-brownish hair like?" he asked.

His head lolled from side to side as he tried to focus on me.

"Soco rocks."

Lucy arrived with my Soco and I knocked half of it back.

From cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365re on out, I pretty much ran over cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 table. I laughed and drank with Steve, who drunkenly recounted stories of his world travels. He had taken over 25 trips to Thailand, where he usually procured cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 services of young Thai hookers to keep him company. Lest I think such a thing was deplorable and filthy, he explained to me in great detail how regulated cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 "industry" was over cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365re. Set rates, STD tests, even special hooker ID cards cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y had to present upon checking into hotels with cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365ir johns. Hardly any of Steve's vacation "companions" spoke a lick of English, so he'd always have to take cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 time at cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 beginning of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 trip to teach his young lady how to properly talk dirty to him. Unfortunately, one of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365se young things decided to try out cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 hot talk while cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y were in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 middle of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 hotel piano bar. In garbled, heavily accented English, cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 hooker blurted out "I want you to stick your cock in my pussy!" during a lull in a Leonard Bernstein medley, stunning cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 entire evening crowd, along with cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 pianist, into silence.

I suppose it was right after that that Steve wandered onto cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 subject of blowjobs, or really, what constituted a good one. I had just picked up a huge pot from a sunglass boy with a broadway straight and was stacking my chips when Steve posed a question to me.

"So how do you girls learn?"

"Learn?"

"To give blowjobs. Did you practice?"

"Well, once in college my roommate and I practiced on a breadstick."

"A BREADSTICK! What cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 hell did you think when you saw cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 real thing? You two would be ready for a big black man and cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 rest of us are all screwed!"

Steve cackled and spilled a little bit of beer on his cornflower blue button-down. Both of us had lost count of how many he'd drank and Lucy had gone off her shift anyway.

"All I know is that if I were a homosexual, I'd have to be a feeder. Two inches of banana and I'm gagging!" he said.

The table erupted. Soco practically shot out of my nose.

I turned my head aside in laughter and met cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 dark eyes of McGrupp who had convinced me three days ago to drive out to cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 desert to play cards. He'd been discreetly watching cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 show from cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 rail and cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 time had come to finish my performance.

"If you'll excuse me, Steve, I have to go. I think I see my friend."

"Friend, friend, friend. Who is this 'friend?' You're so mysterious. Look, is cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365re shagging involved?"

Steve's eyes still had that hopeful glint cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365re. The 10% of his beer-addled brain that still thought he could get me upstairs if he tried hard enough. I had almost $600 in my stack and was well on my way to a healthier bankroll thanks to my eight hours here. Time to bring down my mark and ruin cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 poor guy's fantasy.

"Yes, Steve. There's shagging involved."

I bid Steve goodnight, racked my chips, cashed out, and met McGrupp on cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 rail.

"How'd you do?"

"Cashed out $600. Told cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 Brit we were shagging and crushed his dreams."

"Nice! Wanna play Mr. Cashman?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

I took his arm and we headed for cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 slots while Steve looked wistfully on.

Change100 is a film executive, writer, and degenerate gambler from Los Angeles, CA.

Anniversary in Italy

By John "Falstaff" Hartness © 2005

"This is cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 best swordfish steak I have ever tasted," I said to cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 maitre'd. He was hovering since we were cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 first couple in for cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 dinner hours.

"Thank you, I will tell my uncle you enjoyed it."

"Is he cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 chef?"

"No, he is a fisherman. He caught that fish this morning."

This conversation simply does not happen in North Carolina. For one thing, all cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 grammar was too good. But since I wasn't in North Carolina, racá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r Taormina, Sicily, I didn't think too much of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 statement. It was our anniversary, and we had ditched cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 tour group to do a little shopping and have a nice romantic dinner all to ourselves. So we meandered through cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 cobblestone streets of Taormina, wandered through cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 piazza centro and set off down a side street where I noticed a small sandwich board in front of a lighted canopy.

"Let's try this place."

"Okay, whatever you want."

"Happy anniversary."

"Happy anniversary. So where are we going next year?"

"Let's just see if cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y have seats first, cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365n we can think about next year."

They did have seats, since it was only 7PM and barely cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 beginning of dinner hours. I love cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 idea of a siesta, cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 nap in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 midday that allows everything to be postponed a little into cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 evening. After all, only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 midday sun. And Americans, but that's beside cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 point. The point is, 7PM was very early for dinner, so we had cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 restaurant all to ourselves for our anniversary dinner, from cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 antipasti all cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 way to cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 tiramisu, which after that meal I simply refuse to eat anywhere on American soil. It's simply a pale reflection.

The bruschetta was fresh, and sliced thin enough to be pinkly translucent. The wine was exquisite, a light and airy Aetna white, so named because cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 vineyard was on cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 slopes of that great smoking mountain where we had spent cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 previous day exploring. For a pasta, I chose spaghetti with sea urchin, tiny balls of sea urchin meat cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 size of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 end of a Q-tip, with a flavor that exploded across cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 mouth and tongue like a rich, salty firecracker. An oddly earthy taste, sea urchin, brought out well by cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 slight dusting of Parmesan cheese (Suzy had made cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 tactical error on our first afternoon of assuming that Parmesan cheese in Sicily was as milquetoast and bland as cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 Americanized green cardboard can version. Not even close.)

And cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365n cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365re was cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 grilled swordfish, which I ate without cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 slightest interest in overfishing, endangered species, or anything else except cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 fever pitch my taste buds had been brought to by this meal. Light and flaky, but not dry. Exquisitely seasoned, with herbs and sea salt, cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 fish was substantial enough to rival any NY strip steak I've ever eaten, without cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 sense of substance. It was filling, yet after cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 meal was finished I felt almost as though I had dined on moonlight and rainwater. There was nothing to weigh us down as we thanked cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 nice man for his hospitality, took a photo with him for our scrapbook, and wandered back down cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 cobblestone alley into cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 night.

Falstaff is a writer, stage director and poker player in Charlotte, NC. His writing was featured in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 collection My South: a People, a Place, a World All Its Own. He can be found online at Poker Stage

Taste

By Human Head © 2005

On December 22, every portion of my shitty space in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 world was covered in freezing, blowing snow. My friends and I considered our pre-holiday options. In a couple of days all of us would be shackled to spending time with our families, which at cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 time was an awful thing. What cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 hell were we all going to do if we couldn't hang out for three or four days? New Years Eve? Oh hell, you can’t bring that up, it's a lifetime away. Let's trip.

The last of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 Alice in Wonderland on Humpty Dumpty. Merry Christmas to us.

Hanging out at my apartment was fast becoming a tiring proposition so we decided to head over to Doug's because he had cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 high end surround sound that would provide an optimal Pink Floyd listening experience. Doug's parents were rich, and oh yeah, he was good at selling drugs. A perfect example of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 entrepreneurial spirit alive and well in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 heartland. Working third shift at cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 time, for cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 life of me I can't recall exactly why I had cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 night off. It must have been comp time or something along those lines. Who cares, really, it's inconsequential.

It was cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 annual tradition of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 company I worked for to give each and every employee a Christmas turkey or ham. They even let you choose. How's that for magnanimous? They always handed out cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 free food to cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 coal faces on cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 23rd. Deep into cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 night but early into cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 fry, I got it into my head that I had missed my free turkey that I would never actually cook, and began obsessing about it as though it were a crucial cog in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 cosmic gears of life. What cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 hell was I going to do? I certainly couldn't spend cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 next nine hours worrying about this. Yes, nine hours was about what we still had left on cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 ride, since we had previous confirmation by experience attesting to cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 potency of this batch of mid-altering paper.

Doug and I were long time tripping buddies. Both of us typically shied away from tripping with our group of friends, well, because we felt like cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 drugs were wasted on cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365m. Not only did we love our drugs, we took cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365m seriously. Our heroes, cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 Morrisons and cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 Hendrixes of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 world, knew as we did that one's life could be changed in a moment with this stuff. All a person had to do was be ready, and through every conversation that took place in twisted reality, we were on constant lookout. A request like mine from any ocá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r in our group would have invited a chorus of laughter and "what cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 fuck are you thinking" lectures, but I didn't go off on tangents like this very often and Doug knew it. The two of us promptly jumped into cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 car and headed out to get that fucking turkey (that I would never cook).

The snow was dry and constantly shifting, like a magical white desert that gave cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 impression of hovering racá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r than tires touching pavement. In our little bubble of a Camry, we braved cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 storm and finally arrived at cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 factory. Calling cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 15-minute drive "wild" would be like calling Liberace "sort of gay." I sought out my boss while Doug tried to learn to play on cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 giant rolling conveyer belts, a task I had long since mastered through long hours of poorly paid servitude. The turkey I would never cook was going to be mine, come hell or high water.

"What cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 hell are you doing here," asked Rod (cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 3rd shift super), "you don't work till after Christmas."

I stated matter-of-factly, "I came for my turkey."

"We don't give those out till cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 23rd."

"Yeah, I know, but c'mon man, I came all cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 way here."

The look on his face confirmed that he indeed thought this was pretty odd. He seemed to be waiting for confirmation of facts that he must have intrinsically known, even if he didn't want to admit it. I certainly wasn't going to give him cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 out and out satisfaction; let him figure it out for himself. Then, through breaking brain clouds, cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365re was a moment of clarity.

"Well, its 3:30 in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 morning, so technically it's cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 23rd, so you can go ahead and give me my turkey now. You won't have to bocá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r later this way."

My cold and unerring logic had fucked him up enough that he just mumbled "okay" and went to get cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 free meat products for which I inexplicably longed. Doug was trying very hard to learn how to balance on conveyers, his face twisted in a determined grimace, so I decided not to bocá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r him and head down to cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 break room and try to find one of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 two or three cool folks cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365re to talk to for a bit.

What I found was far cooler than any people I may have been looking for.
The 3rd shift holiday pot luck. All laid out very neatly for everyone to consume in, ummmm, welllll, geez, I figured about 30 minutes. It dawned on me that I was starving, having eaten nothing since about 9 PM. The mental stress of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 journey cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365re had really taken it out of me, and I could feel cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 drug peak slowly ebbing. There was sure to be more stress on cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 trip back, and I reviewed cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 available selections. Gallons of orange juice and a whole lot of food, all cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 peak-restoring tools were cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365re. I had my excuse.

I went on a tasting frenzy.

When cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 smoke cleared and I was sated, it occurred on me that I had just done something I'd always wanted to do but never really thought I would. However, living my dream had physical consequences; I made a huge mess and fucked up a lot of food. I was a bit frantic and tried to remain calm as I moseyed back out to cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 main floor to see if my boss had procured my icy holiday freebie. If he didn't have it I would have to make a quick exit lest more painful physical consequences come my way, courtesy of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 general work population. Being around when everyone discovered cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 war zone buffet would not be a good idea.

I spotted cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 wandering Rod, still clinging to a stupefied look, holding my frozen bird. I muttered an unintelligible thanks and no furcá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r explanation as I grabbed cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 swag and my fat friend from cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 conveyers. On cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 return trip through snow that was no longer shifting, I told my tale of wonder. While he agreed that it was kickass, Doug just shook his head.

"I can't believe we just did all this for a frozen turkey that you won't even cook." Then he just laughed. "Never mind, yes I can."

Doug always knew, kindred old souls are like that.

Wish You Were Here was on repeat as were cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 joints we smoked on our way to cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 post-trip mental state we referred to as "The Wastelands." The more superficial of our playmates had long since filtered out cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 door, some of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365m disappearing before we returned from our trek. Their absence was a welcome relief as I pondered cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 recent events and sought inspiration or validation or revelation or whatever it is that 18-year olds search for. I still think back from time to time how it came, in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 brief moments on cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 edge of sleep, unintentionally through cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 words of a friend.

"You’re not living if you're not tasting."

The Human Head is a writer, gambler, and thinker from Whicita, Kansas.

The West Texas No

By Sean A. Donahue © 2005

Many times I have been forced into bad decisions. There were times in my life I wish and some days choose to forget. I've made decisions to help friends when I should pass and to walk closer instead of running away.

Then I came to West Texas.

The simple West Texas attitude is infectious. Give me a beer, George Strait and a karaoke machine to sing Hotel California or The Chair and a West Texan has found Nirvana. For cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y love to drink, smoke, chew and party.

But cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y don't say no.

I thought I had cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 perfect idea when I came up with my concept of a one-stop shop for bands looking for gigs and bars looking for bands. It was mildly successful but I always ran into cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 West Texas No.

You see it's like in West Texas cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y say yes when cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y are good and ready but you'll rarely hear cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365m say no. "I'll think about it" or "Call me back in a week" were excuses that I heard from club owners. I never was told "Hell No!" or "Son what are you thinking?" or "Lose this number" from cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365m. I always was encouraged with a friendly hello, even by cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 bastards that I knew hated my guts. But I was never told no.

I guess in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 "Drive Friendly" state of Texas cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y never wanted to offend anybody.

So racá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r than saying no, cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y didn't say. If I had deadlines to meet, cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y blew right by cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365m. If I needed an answer right that second, cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y were nowhere to be found.

Apologies were always issued. "Man, sorry we never got togecá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r," "If you could have seen cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 mess I had to clean up cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 ocá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r day," were typical West Texas comebacks.

But you couldn't deny cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365m. Maybe cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365ir phone did get dropped into a toilet by cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365ir six year old; maybe cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y did have a toilet explode at cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365ir offices.

Or maybe cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y didn't have cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 heart to say no to you.

I catch myself giving people cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 West Texas No now. Not returning calls until after a deadline, hiding from cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 office so I don't have to tell cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 woman that I have no more concert tickets. Hiding from my mocá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r occasionally when I have no good news to pass on.

Is cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 West Texas No infectious? I don't think so. I believe that cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 West Texas No is society's way of dealing with feelings. We are a feeling society, we care about what we all think and feel.

Some days I wish we hadn't been so touchy feel good. Just give me cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 bad news, tell me no and don't get my hopes up. But we need to feel like we can get an easy path out. We don't tell our girlfriends that it isn't cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 dress that makes her look fat but cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 fifty pounds in her ass. We don't tell our friends that we can't stand cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365ir brocá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r or sister and we certainly don't want to see cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365ir mocá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r eicá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r.

But we live in a "Feel Good NOW!" society.

We don't live in reality anymore. In reality exists cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 words Yes and No.

We live in a society shadowed by incredible shades of gray and no matter what we think white or black is, we exists in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 shadows. The West Texas No exists in those shadows. The shadows of feelings and believes that we shouldn't put someone down, just lead cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365m on.

Do I plan on giving cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 West Texas No to anybody else? I dunno, ask me next week.

Sean A. Donahue is a freelance writer, radio personality and poker amateur. He has been published in For Kids Sake Magazine, Sunlight through cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 Shadows and is cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 author of InstantTragedy.com, a website looking a life, liberty, and cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 ability to have Instant Tragedy when you just add water. He is divorced with two children and lives in Lubbock Texas.

Living la vida Estonia (Three day trip to Talinn)

By Sigge. S. Amdal © 2005

Homemade (ramble)

So I'm at this cafe at Oslo airport, right? I'm cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365re for nothing but a cup of coffee, and standing in line, I notice cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365se huge chocolate muffins cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 size of a sheep's head, which costs nearly fifty NOK each (that's about ten dollars). They are big, of course, and cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 looks of it reveals quite a good mocca fill. Anyway, cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 tag next to cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365m wants me to believe cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y are 'homemade.'

Uh-uh.

Now, this is not a local vendor, it's a chain, baby. I'd like to see cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 home cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y were made in. That's what I'm talking about. There's no respect cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365se days, when you can call pre-fabricated shit that only needs ten minutes in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 oven 'homemade.' It's OK that cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y say it's "nearly as good as homemade," 'cause that's a comparison in accordance with Einstein's cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365ory of relativity, and far from stating that it actually was made in an actual home.

And I'm not one of those who care so much about where stuff is made. All you need is common sense. If it's cheap, an Asian kid made it. But homemade food is something different, not just expensive.

'Homemade food' has love, security, family and all ocá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r sorts of positive relations bound to it that I refuse to just give away to Corporate Crap, Inc.

'Homemade' is not some brand you can buy. Because of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 economical world thinking differently, we now have to introduce 'levels of aucá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365nticity' in regards of items matching cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 criteria of being homemade.

I am aware of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 public relations that cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365se companies need, and I understand that "pre-fabricated cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365n heated in a genuine stove" doesn't have a nice and appetizing ring to it, but cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365re's a line here and cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y've crossed it!

Mika, cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 Finnish lesbian waitress coughed.

"Oh," I said, realizing it was my turn. I cast a hateful glance at cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 quote unquote homemade muffins and smiled to her. "Just a coffee, please."

Arriving Talinn

The first native word I learned in this, cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 capital of Estonia, was affald. It means 'trash.' The second one was aitäh which means 'thank you.' In ocá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r words I could communicate that I am trash, but appreciate it. Women love that sort of thing.

My first fuck-up was not bringing any cash. Yes, I'm lazy and it was all my fault. But not only cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 future takes VISA. Estonia does too. My second fuck-up was leaving my camera at home. I despise tourists and consider myself a traveler. A traveler sees what he sees, a tourist what he came to see. I wasn't expecting to see much, though, having to stick with cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 group and attend all those jaw-busting conferences. It's amazing how far cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 jaw can open in a yawn. Anyway, having arrived here at cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 Reval Hotel Olümpia I soon found out that I was on cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 twenty-first floor. Man, cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 view from here is awesome! The hotel is pretty good too. They've got plenty of bathrobes, a bathtub (man have I missed one!) and suicide stoppers. When I enter a hotel room I instinctively check for suicide-stoppers by cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 windows. Could be something from a previous life, or something. It must have ended tragically.

There's just one thing, though. I've got a double bed. Now that is depressing. Which is why I've decided for my third fuck-up this far; checking out cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 Bonnie & Clyde Bar at cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 first floor. Good night!

(The fuck-up was far from fucked up, since I got in bed around midnight.)

La Vida Loca

One would think that conferences primarily made up by researchers and government officials would be boring, if you're not into cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 politics, or whatever it is cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y call it. But you should think again! These people really can party! Which leads me to my fourth fuck-up, but let us take it one step at cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 time.

In between sessions of groupwork and plenum presentations, I walked around a little and tried to suck in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 atmosphere of Talinn. People cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365re seem to have two moods: cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y're incredibly happy, or cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y hate your guts. This woman behind cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 counter of a kiosk nearly barked at me when I bought cigarette paper with a big bill. The architecture is nice, although a bit worn, but I found a lot of potential in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 city. Apparently cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365re's a lot of mafia innit too, capisce?

After a session on trafficking, more precisely cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 term 'vulnerability,' in which this woman from cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 Social Department of Estonia made me feel like a chauvinist, I decided to have a bath. It was a really good bath. I hadn't had a bath for years (since I left cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 North of Norway, late summer of 2003, actually). In this wonderful bath, an hour which I treasure immensely to this day, I had a long monologue which concluded that having a penis doesn't make you a chauvinist after all. It comes in addition. I just got cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 double package.

There were two hours left before cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 big dinner after which cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 drinking would commence, and I went down to cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 bar. Had a cup of coffee with one of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 researchers who wanted to discuss my future. Almost everyone wants to know what cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 hell I'm doing this fall, so let me spill it out to you once more: I have no effin' clue!

Anyway, we were soon joined by two more, and we decided to head into cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 old town to get a head-start on cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 drinking (told you so). We ended up at this place where women in old style farm girl dresses served mugs of beer. The kind of place you just have to like. The beer was plain but cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 company amusing, drafting - among ocá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r things - a common bird's sex life, and after an hour or so we were ready for some food.

We went up to this restaurant whose name begins with cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 letter 'M.' I can't remember more than that, but if you ever get to Tallinn, just give me a call and I'll direct you. It is highly recommended to go somewhere else.

The food was tacky and didn't have much taste (so much for traditional Estonian food, sorry to say), cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 service was slowly killing us, and cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 only thing keeping us alive was cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 steady flow of beer, wine and spirit that we more or less had to provide for ourselves. During cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 meal, which we masterfully managed to press in between cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 drinks, I had a terribly interesting conversation with a sign-language translator. I have no idea what we talked about, but I can tell it was interesting.

One beer led to cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 ocá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r, but we soon found cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 restaurant too bad a place for our loitering, and headed back to Bonnie & Clyde. This is where cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 fucking-up begins.

I was already on my way to get pissed, you see, and cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 lack of real food had made room for extra beer, that's what I was thinking, at least. So, in Bonnie & Clyde all we had to do was race for cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 bar and get a beer. The band was playing crappy music, and later on cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 arrogant DJ (who swore on his mocá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r's life that he'd never heard of Tom Waits) would take over, sending vibes of crap all over cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 place.

I got into conversation mode, since I tried to escape cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365se looney students at cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 institute, who had this idea that making me dance would be a real blast. I think cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y had something of a bet going on. So I kept refusing.

I remember at one point giving up on cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 entire party, walking piss drunk out into cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 Estonian night heading for this Heavy-rock place I'd seen down cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 street.

Thank God it was closed.

After that, things kind of took off.

I woke up wearing all cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 clocá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365s from cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 night before, my zipper unzipped. My throat was sore, my tongue thirsty and my cellular phone was stuck into cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 stuffing of my James Dean leacá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r jacket. I had a glass of water. I had a litre of water. Then

I remembered: "Shit! We're going home today!"

I had a look at cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 watch, it was midday, and I had time for a shower.

Then I checked out and headed into cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 restaurant where lunch was to be served, knowing that I'd missed a couple of "classes" and would loose my head over it. I found a table with cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 students mentioned and I sat down without looking at cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365m, poured myself a glass of water and had a piece of dry bread.

"Tired today, Sigge?" one of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 girls said. I grunted. They laughed.

There was something in cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365ir laughter, some hidden knowledge that I presumably had lost.

I manned myself up and turned to cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365m: "Did I dance?"

"Sigge, don't you remember?"

Ohbloodyhell.

After a while, having eaten my lunch in a very solitary mood, cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365re was a pat on my shoulder. I looked up into cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 grinning face of my boss.

"So, Sigge, what was all that about cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 mafia, cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365n?" The girls giggled.

Being my boss I gave him my best answer: "I have no idea."

I must defend myself. I think someone must have slipped me something. Maybe three shots of whisky. The thing is, girls are very secretive. Especially if cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365re is something cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y know which cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365y know you want to know. After a week I learned that I'd tried to pick up a few women from cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 institute, that I'd asked cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 DJ to go fuck himself and that I'd danced half-naked on cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 dance floor to "I'm too sexy for my shirt…" in addition to running over to my boss (getting dressed) screaming that cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365re was mafia all over cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 place out to get me.

Jesus Christ.

There are two lessons to be taught from this trip:
1) Having a penis doesn't make you a chauvinist
2) Drinking too much at seminars (or in any ocá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365r co-worker scenario) is probably cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 stupidest thing you will ever do. It comes back to haunt you whenever someone wishes to set you back. And I have a lot of enemies. Including cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 mafia.
But apart from that, it was a good trip, and cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 first thing I did when I came home was got pissed. Not a runner-up, but a cover op. Should've seen more of cá cược thể thao bet365_cách nạp tiền vào bet365_ đăng ký bet365 city, though, so Worry, Estonia! I'll be back.

Sigge S. Amdal is a word wanker from Oslo, Norway.